first of all i wud like to apologize for being abit rough in my last post..... but it was how i felt.

so now i realised its time for me to become much lower profile ardy.... i was prolly never the center of attention but im guessing ive been somewhere ard there. so i decided its time i moved to a new position in life. its time i moved to become the guy who helps ppl. alot. but not with carrying stuff all tht la =.= thts a given. maybe more of the kind tht helps u when u r in trouble.

i don wanna b noticed anymore.... its time i blend in. if i fade far enough into the background maybe ill be able to look at the world in different perspectives. if u cant tell... im pretty diff at diff times. sometimes i command the attention sometimes im just so quiet ppl nvr ever hear me talk. what can i say? i just don like attention when im alone. all i need is the attention of my friends occassionally and im more than happy =)

so today i guess i really pretty much sort of got over her. i didn't talk to her much.... only during one of the periods i gave in to my heart and talked with her a lil but even then i did not enquire abt her day or anythk like tht. im glad but im not happy. im not happy cos i didn't get what i want.

when i was younger i used to get everything that i want. now i cant get most of the things i want. so it really hurts me sometimes. especially when it comes to girls.... tired of the sick ass ah lians. cant give a fk abt them.... i just wanted some1 decent. lol. but i guess it just wasn't meant to be.

even tho i dont talk to her, i long for her.... its like imagine u bought a new car without a license or a driver. u smell the leather interior, u polish the car, basically u 'love' the car. but u will never be able to drive it. thats roughly how i feel just that she not a car. lol and she can talk instead of the vroom vroom sound.

its now 1 am and i feel like im missing her ardy. i gave in to temptation and messaged her. nvr got a reply. prolly cos she is ardy sleeping. but i cant really tell. and honestly, i cant really care. even if i get a reply it probably wont make a change in any one of our lives. ill just be the awesome guy friend and thts all ill ever be.

today in gp class i made jasmine cry =( she says she isn't angry anymore but i feel so bad =( i love her too much to ever hurt her intentionally. same for been ting and anling. perhaps its just this instinctive male thing to feel protective... lol. but hey God gave guys abit more muscles for something right?

so today i tried to sorta plan a gathering for me vino been ting and wen jie. i feel i am roughly the most distant towards vino and been ting. as in i talk with been ting but i dont understand her. in the end it became an outing for our entire clique. and then we realized that 4 of them cant make it. so in actual fact its just adding yuan sheng=.=

i think we gonna go on monday to prolly bishan park for a picnic. i think im gonna cook for them. haha. chicken chop anyone? i hope to really know them better. i want us to be tight.... not allow a loopie for anything to go wrong.

its not tht i didnt wanna invite jasmine and anling. its just that i guess i understand them abit more then than the rest. just that maybe anling is abit of a wild card haha so at times i cant understand her

jasmine's file was in pretty bad shape so i guess im gonna buy her a new one tommorow. i learnt abit more abt jasmine's r/s with her bf today. haha. he seems like an awesome guy and i wont mind meeting him. he treats her so nicely its unbelievable... i doubt theres a soul tht can match up to him in terms of compatibility with jasmine.

today sheqal told me smthn abt the past with him and tht girl. im not naming her cos of sheqal, not that i don like her. i cant believe they were so close.... if i were him i wud freak out if she went with another guy. but hey.... i guess thts why i love him so... all for his cool and calmness

its been a tiring last few days, constantly up till 1 am just to do homework. im starting to feel the heat ardy, but don worry im not gonna give up. never.

so its like 1.10 am now and i gotta finish up. so in conclusion:

1) i managed to grow a lil more distant to her. but in lessening the pain of losing her, im losing her a lil by lil in the process =(

2) im planning a picnic to understand been ting and get to know vino more, same objectives for wen jie and perhaps yuan sheng =)

3) i got to know a lil more about jasmine today of which im happy, i treasure her so and wud never want to hurt her. and never want to see any1 hurting her

4) i learnt a lil bit abt sheqal today, again he is one that i treasure alot, i love him as much as i love jasmine. so if any idiots try to do anythk funny... ill give u something to really laugh abt in heaven.

5) ok it wasn't up there but this love is obviously friendship =.= alot of ppl like to think alot of things in our school so better clear it up.

so i guess thats about it. thanks for reading my blog =) be sure to tag before leaving ok?

P.S. All the best to band for their syf tomorrow, or actually later today. come on, do ur best ok? i know u will do us proud