morning guys. its 5.07 in the morning. and well ive done quite alot of thinking of everything thts happened so far.

well i realised. hey! shes not smiling. not really. cos behind this girl's smile is someone who is so complicated, so complex... ppl just see the smile. they just cant look deeper. don't get me wrong, i didn't see it at first. but slowly, just inching a lil by lil. i realised what she really is.

a girl so scared of what others think, a girl so hurt by past loves. a girl depressed that she is depressed. words cant describe her. but sometimes when i see her. i think. is she really smiling?

sometimes when i make her laugh and i think. is she really laughing? perhaps its all my imagination. perhaps what she told me isn't true. or maybe everything was just my imagination. it could be. it would be great if it was.

unfortunately. if she wasn't lying then theres no alternative. i pray she wasn't lying. i wud be crushed if she was. from here u can tell i treasure her so much as a friend. enough to think about her randomly.

ok to tell u the truth i was listening to the song mona lisa by nat king cole. her name popped into my head. im always protective of my friends. ALWAYS. yea i know =.= its like so erm "stop being a worry wort" but i cant help it. i wanna swoop in and protect her. but right now i cant because im afraid. no im not afraid of what i wanna protect her from is gonna hurt me. but im afraid what im protecting is gonna hurt me.

why would she want me to protect her anyway? im insignificant. so i just grit my teeth and i watch. grit and watch. grit and watch. i always wanna step in. but i always control myself.

in pai kia world it was totally different. i wud swoop in as soon as trouble came. thts what brothers do. but now its different. no longer pai kia. now im in MI. its different. sometimes keeping your distance is wht u need to do.

but right now. just like the other times. as i close my eyes, lay on my pillow, i open my cape and shield her. i wrap myself around her. and pray. just pray that she doesnt hurt me from where im the most vulnerable, on the inside.

so thnx for reading guys. stay awesome

issit me or am i too caring and concerned over other people..... maybe i shudnt.... im starting to get possesive. LOL

tell u wht frm now on ill try to be like this.

Friend: Joel OMG my bf just died!! sobs.... why did he have to go so suddenly.... i still love him so!!!
Joel: well its ok.... u'll learn to love me soon enough *winks suggestively*

F: Joel! why issit things always go wrong?
J: cos ure not with me. c'mere gimme a kiss and it'll be all bttr. don forget the tongue *winks*

F: Joel! FUCK LA..... i hate it wen ppl call me those names
J: hahas but its so funny.... just like ur face!

F: Joel wht if i fall in love with u?
J: don worry.... ill always love ur body.

HAHAS wht if i did tht? wud tht be like major jerk??!!
welll don worry guys. i will NEVER do tht. unless im dead drunk and will prolly remb nothing tmrw.....

so thts it for today... just some random thots.... pls tag aft reading yea.... but most impt... dont u ever dare stop being awesome


P.S. right now im like.......
F:Joel... haiz im at home in clementi and im thirsty but there is nothing left at home
J(in hougang): hmmm u want carbonated or non-carbonated drinks? ill go get it for u

hi guys!!! thnx for reading my blog =)

so we had our ups, our downs, our highs and lows..... i really appreciate all my frens who read it.... love you guys!

so wht do i feel today? well i just realised im super insecure... the slightest actions make me ponder and jump to conclusions.....

im abit crazy the way i want almost everyone to be my friend hahas. its either ur friend or foe.... but i guess life just isnt tht simple... haiz

i wish things cud be diff sometimes... i really do... but i appreciate every single thing tht my friends do to make me feel bttr... hmm lets start:

Wei Tat: lol whenever theres nothing to do hes always there, girl trouble, hes there. friend troubles, hes there. pai kia trouble, hes there.

aloysious, cheng wee, kee teck: they rock la.... if i need them they're there.

Jasmine: lovely to talk to.... great listener.... interrupts at appropriate moments. love her muchx.... but right now we have problems to work out

Vino: she doesnt say much... but hey.. her smile is so sweet, it really really brightens your day

Anling: what can i say? theres a reason why i like to talk to her so much... but i guess we don really talk now.... its confusing... but shes def worth any trouble

Been ting: her eyes say it all... elegant and sophisticated. beautiful and smooth. though i dont get her at times... its ok cause i know shes always great.

Sheqal: my gay partner in GP class... LOL. chatty and strong in his views.... friends often seek advice and comfort in his dark brown, understanding eyes...

Peyyyyyton: the instant cheer me up in a human body. feeling down? get a hug from her... u will feel awesome... more then that shes definitely the person u can talk to when ur feeling down

Dian: Peppy and cheery on the outside, sophisticated, strong and insightful on the inside. its obvious why people want to be around her. =) my gummy worm? no la i think shes oso gummy bear....

Yuan Sheng: he may look immature but don be fooled by appearances... hes a strong person who enjoys a challenge. very very firm on his views but cares alot for people

Wen Jie: the mini psychologist, hes intuitive, firm but most of all hes a great friend, he tells u things ppl don tell u. hes a person who can make u laugh or a person who can make u cry. he is what he has to be at tht time. lovable and fun.

Edward(small): hes confident, hes suavv, he has great dress sense but most of all he's loving and accepts everyone. oh and did i mention? hes funny as hell... haha. nvr a dull moment with him

Sanjiv: noisy at first, quiet as time passes. hes funny, he doesnt get insulted, hes eyes show his inner strength and determination. basically, hes spiderman haha

Srini: quiet at first, noisy as time passes.... study? no way. chill out? yes way.... hes chilled, hes funny, he plays mother, hes game for omost anythk and hes not exactly vegetarion! LOL

Jeevitha: miss pretty, she has a winning personality, shes perceptive and shes sweet... who could ask for more in a girl?

Chitra: funny and smart, short and sweet. hahas.

Rajes: the girl with the piercing eyes never fails to intrigue and make u wonder

Bryan: the guy whos super steady. he is always up for anything. he has experienced so many things and i learnt alot frm him in the short time i started hangin with him

Keet: the gentleman. his actions speak much louder than his words, which are so few. but if he does speak... expect to laugh or be moved.... hes a real james bond

Jihan: talking to her is a joy, we have common views and we often find ourselves abit startled by it. shes conservative at times, and shes very open at times. when this apssing wind blows by be sure to enjoy it... cause each important detail u can get from her is a treasure

Jesslyn: sorta my twin o.o 8/10 personality tests we got omost exactly the same. shes highly addictive. once u start talking to her its hard to stop. shes strong yet vulnerable in her own ways and she respects what u have to say. just remember to be a good listener towards her. occasionally shes hot and cold but dont worry.... its all part of the process

Alex: more then anything, hes similar to me. but unlike me, hes decisive, he leads the people well and hes one of the most fun people i ever hung out with. we can spend hours on end just chatting about absolutely nothing

Guo yuan: the nerd with a brave heart, he never fails to suprise me with how he breaks whatever i expect him to do. theres absolutely no stereotype from him. hes unique in every way

Yizhen: my child hood friend, well sorta, shes funny, but quiet, shes also quirky and very perceptive. fun to be around, shes something u will ahve fun figuring out

Yeijie: The RI boy in army, hes funny, smart, casual and calm. though at times he puzzles, hes refreshing and something different to the average Joe

towfiq: MR funny guy, always joking yet always fun. rock on!

Alycia: The sweetest girl i ever talked to. shes just an msn friend but even from there her sweetness radiates. if it werent for her, at times i might have gone mad.

these are the people that i really appreciate and will always love for cheering me up when im down, lending me a listening ear and basically nvr allowed me to feel lonely

welll thats about it. if i missed u out im really really sorry. its not that ur not important. its just fatigue has gotten the best of me. tell me ok? if i missed u out....

well guys thanks for reading and pls tag afterwards.... but definitely and most importantly, say it with me guys and gals, STAY AWESOME!!!

hi guys.... i haven posted in awhile.... sorry...

wht the fuck is wrong with me?

LIFE FUCKING SUCKS.... and its not cos of u.... its cos of me =(

a tear i cry for u cannot see
how much this hurts me badly
day and night i will contemplate
how this issue is able to frustrate.

issit not enought you are important to me?
why must this things happen...
unable to forsee
this situation has me saddened

a tear mite just roll down my cheek
an incident to make me cry
this friendships start to look bleak
inside i might just die

Hi guys!

sorry i haven posted in awhile. but its just been so crazy lately. so i guess if u come here its to read about my life. well lets start with 1st june, monday.

i had like physics lessons. it was the most boring 4 hours of my life. sumpa. lol but at least b4 dat i met up with wen jie and anling and jasmine and yuan sheng for lunch. had mac. u shud see the faces that anling and jasmine give me when they saw what i ate.... lol. but for the benefit of the ppl whu have very sensitive tummies i wont go into detail. hahas

2nd june, tuesday

again i had physics but was a tad bit more interesting cos of the robot. but still i checked my watch every minute. hahas. mmmm b4 tht i met up with jesslyn to just go to school together. o wait. heres a funny story.

Joel(J1): hey im gonna get bubble tea. u want some? ill pass it to u aft u get down frm the bus...

Jesslyn(J2): erm ok hahas anythk..

(J1): aunty two oreo choclate pls!

text from J2: o btw i only drink milk tea!

J1 panics and finds friend and exchanges oreo choc for milk tea.....
*ten minutes later.....*

J2: wht did u buy?

J1: milk tea for u and oreo choc for me.

J2: erm can i try oreo choc?

J1: sure

J2: mmm nice

J1 (being a gentleman): ok u can have it then lol.

J2: thanks!

And I ended up drinking milk tea! lol

3rd june, wednesday:

had chem lesson. b4 that suppose to have maths. but by the time me and srini arrive lesson ended. we chilled around the place and ended up in west mall. hahas. metup with jesslyn at koufu and ended up taking bus with her while sanjiv and srini walked. i have no idea why they wanna walk to save $0.45... zzz

aft chem went ice kachang with iskandar, hafidz, adib, diyana, syafiqah, jesslyn , jihan, dian and jin jie. i didnt touch ice kachang.... hahas!

aft ice kachang jesslyn and i headed to cck shaw cinema and watched monster versus aliens! hahas. omg it was so dang funny. DANG funny... if u haven go watch it. it is super nice hahas.

aft the movie jesslyn was like looking for some tops and i tagged along. she cudnt decide wether to get this elle shirt. but i guess my expressions kinda gave me away... she looked funny la... don blame me... it wasnt tank top or spaghetti... it was sleevless!!

ok here comes the funniest part tht entire day. aft all of dat i sent her home. so we were like talking under her block... then her father came... at least she thot it was. then she panicked and was like omg joel sorry i have to go blah blah blah... so darn funny la u shud have been there... then later i was singing like check yes juliet on the phone to her HAHAHA... but turns out not her dad =( not fun...

4th june, thursday. AKA tuition day

had physics tuition in the morning and maths tuition at night. nothing much else happened lol

5th june, Friday (the ballet)

spent the whole day rotting at home till about 4.30 then i went amk hub. met timmy(ast de) and then we talked abit. after that left for bugis station. got text from jihan and dian saying they cant meet me earlier. lol. it was at tht point i felt super fked up. lol i swear i felt like finding problem with any1 on the street. was so emo la. i spent one and a half hours roaming around esplanade and raffles city alone.... then at about seven i met jin jie and shabnam at city hall... aft tht dian finally came and we went to esplanade...

the ballet was pretty interesting for me. but i feel tht the first one cud have used a more dramatic effect at the starting to captivate the audience. i believed its titled aluminium. the second show is titled As If. tht was REALLY interesting. the big black thing at the centre i guess it represents the hour hand on the watch.... thts why it only turns clockwise until the final part where it turns anti clockwise. i guess because they are turning back time. it was pretty funny too. hahas.

aft that i chilled with jihan and dian at city hall for awhile. then went home. was abit sad cudnt join adib they all for pool =( o well

SOME SIDE FACTS:
Timmy was going to cullberg ballet with his school
Been ting loked ABSOLUTELY gorgeous
Timmy cudnt stop eyeing her... lol!
JIhan looks totally diff... like so much better then in sch...
Jannah cudnt stand and walk properly cos of her heels and blisters. LOL.
jin jie brought his GF!!!!
jesslyn and syafiqah borught frens.


yap thts abt it... i try to post soon ok? hahas. but b4 that. pls do tag. and definitely (say it with me) STAY AWESOME!!