morning guys. its 5.07 in the morning. and well ive done quite alot of thinking of everything thts happened so far.

well i realised. hey! shes not smiling. not really. cos behind this girl's smile is someone who is so complicated, so complex... ppl just see the smile. they just cant look deeper. don't get me wrong, i didn't see it at first. but slowly, just inching a lil by lil. i realised what she really is.

a girl so scared of what others think, a girl so hurt by past loves. a girl depressed that she is depressed. words cant describe her. but sometimes when i see her. i think. is she really smiling?

sometimes when i make her laugh and i think. is she really laughing? perhaps its all my imagination. perhaps what she told me isn't true. or maybe everything was just my imagination. it could be. it would be great if it was.

unfortunately. if she wasn't lying then theres no alternative. i pray she wasn't lying. i wud be crushed if she was. from here u can tell i treasure her so much as a friend. enough to think about her randomly.

ok to tell u the truth i was listening to the song mona lisa by nat king cole. her name popped into my head. im always protective of my friends. ALWAYS. yea i know =.= its like so erm "stop being a worry wort" but i cant help it. i wanna swoop in and protect her. but right now i cant because im afraid. no im not afraid of what i wanna protect her from is gonna hurt me. but im afraid what im protecting is gonna hurt me.

why would she want me to protect her anyway? im insignificant. so i just grit my teeth and i watch. grit and watch. grit and watch. i always wanna step in. but i always control myself.

in pai kia world it was totally different. i wud swoop in as soon as trouble came. thts what brothers do. but now its different. no longer pai kia. now im in MI. its different. sometimes keeping your distance is wht u need to do.

but right now. just like the other times. as i close my eyes, lay on my pillow, i open my cape and shield her. i wrap myself around her. and pray. just pray that she doesnt hurt me from where im the most vulnerable, on the inside.

so thnx for reading guys. stay awesome